The Best First Words to Teach Your Toddler

Why ‘Use Your Words’ Doesn’t Work

Toddlers are still developing their vocabulary, and when they’re upset or struggling to express themselves, saying “Use your words” may not give them the guidance they need. They might not know what words to use, and without a model, they’re left guessing.

Imagine being in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language fluently. If someone told you, “Just say the right words,” but didn’t tell you what to say, it wouldn’t help much, right? That’s how toddlers feel! They may want to communicate but lack the vocabulary or ability to put words together effectively. This can lead to even more frustration, tantrums, and an overall breakdown in communication.

What to Say Instead

To help your toddler express themselves, try giving them the words they need in the moment. Here are a few simple phrases that work much better:

• Instead of: “Use your words.” Say: “You look like you could use a little more. I can give you more if you'd like.”

• Instead of: “Use your words.” Say: “You seem upset. It's ok to feel upset sometimes.”

• Instead of: “Use your words.” Say: “Looks like you need a little help. I'm here if you need help.”

By giving your child the exact words they need, you’re showing them how to communicate instead of just expecting them to figure it out on their own. Modeling language like this makes it easier for toddlers to pick up new words and begin using them on their own.

How Modeling Language Helps Your Toddler

Modeling language is one of the most powerful tools you can use to support your toddler’s speech development. When you provide the words for them, they hear how language works in real-life situations. Instead of guessing what they should say, they learn through repetition and association.

For example, if your toddler reaches for a toy but doesn’t have the words to ask for it, you can say, “Oh, you want the ball! You can say ‘ball!’” Over time, your child will learn to use that word independently.

This strategy also reduces frustration and helps toddlers feel understood, making them more likely to attempt speaking rather than shutting down or resorting to tantrums.

Start with the Right Words

Not all words are equally helpful when teaching a toddler to talk. Colors, numbers, and shapes are great, but they won’t help your child ask for things, express needs, or interact meaningfully. Instead, focus on functional words—words that help them get what they need and communicate their feelings.

Functional words include:

• Request words: More, help, up, open, all done

• Social words: Hi, bye, please, thank you

• Feeling words: Happy, mad, sad, tired

• Action words: Go, stop, eat, play, sleep

These words give toddlers the ability to express themselves in everyday situations. Once they can communicate their needs, frustration levels drop, and their confidence in speaking grows.

I’ve put together a Words That Work List—a simple, powerful resource filled with the best first words to teach your toddler. These are the words that truly help little ones communicate in everyday situations.

Get the Free Words That Work List

Want to know which words to focus on first? Click here and I’ll send you my Words That Work List for free! This list will give you the best words to start with so you can help your toddler talk more—without the frustration.

Your child wants to communicate. Let’s give them the tools to do it!